I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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