I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
