too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
