Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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