come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
