K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he thought i was a dude.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There r osticjed everywhere
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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