that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
