dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
