I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
