an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
