we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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