You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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