I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
