Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
