i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
