Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
