I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
