i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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