Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
