normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
