I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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