He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize