Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
