FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
