I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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