I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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