Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
