Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
