Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize