I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
