I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
