I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize