things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
