I am puke
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
