the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
