I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
