It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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