look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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