Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
