a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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