were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
