Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sext me about skeletons
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
