Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
