I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
