I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
