You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
