I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
