My brain says no but my pants say off.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
