One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
