Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
