We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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