We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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