Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
