Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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