i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
