You work out of a Hotel?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Found your dick twin last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
