in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
