Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
