you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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