her vagina looked like bernie madoff
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
