A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
