She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
