how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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